I saw a post recently on FACEBOOK which brought me to the realization a woman's life goes through stages. These life stages happen because we age. I have watched many women in my family age from the youngest to the oldest over my 51 years of life. The stages most profoundly impacting their lives moreover than anything else seems to be age.
This post is my reflection of how as I have aged on this journey called life how it is pretty much categorically defined its own stages with what I have brought to the table in relationships. Now we all know a woman's first relationship is her interaction with her father, grandfather, and other important male role models during her earlier years.
For me, from infancy through my college years all I had to bring to the table was a cute curtsy and a smile. My daddy provided all my needs, wants, and desires. He took to the amusement park which my absolute favorite thing to do. We went out to restaurants and he always paid and left the tip and just sat on the other side of the table with a proud look on his face as it was an honor to have someone like me in his life.
My grandfather was all so important too. I have had people call me to just let me know how special they thought it was when I was a little girl and my grandfather would always hold us on his lap when he was sitting out on the front porch. He was my shield when I was trying to escape my grandmother's lashings and he shielded us from her by hiding us under the covers so she wouldn't lash out at us as severely. He took us to all his friends house. He showed me he was proud to be a grandfather. When we were born we became his purpose. He often told us stories to reiterate how much he cared for me, my family, his friends. He was a very caring and sincere man.
What I bring to the table is a person who knows how to appreciate and is grateful to a man who know the meaning of being a king. I bring to the table the willingness to love, embrace, and enjoy time with my significant other. I know the role of a team player. Now in my earlier years I was spoiled by men who knew how to be men and learned from women who allowed the men to be men. I bring a knowledge of how i should be accepted, love, appreciated, adored, and treated.
As the years have passed there has been some degradation in the quality the man brings to the relationship. As I age I learn men give a lot less of themselves and everything else. I recall recently when I over a month and a half time cut my grass myself. Grass so happens to be my number one allergen. I remember the days when men where would offer to cut a woman's yard rather than see her cut it herself. Back in those days I was living on a street with much less traffic. Now I live on a street with way more traffic and men don't stop and offer to do anything.
As I age I realize age brings increased responsibility as to what a woman has to bring to the table because things don't fall in her lap as easily. When I got married at 32 it was because I had small children and I learned the next man just had to be stronger than the last man to make the last man step off. Fast forward to today with me at 51 I don't even have a man issue. No longer are the days when everything multiplied with no action required on my part. In fact I got married because I got tired of being chased by several men at once and even though I knew I was not involved with these men who were lavishing me with gifts, trips, whatever, the image was bad because I had children. Trust and believe it made for a lot of haters and I didn't need that. I too wondered why how I with three children was able to pull so many men without even trying and women with no or one child couldn't even pull one.
No one could believe I was just being showered with large ticket items by some men just for them wanting to get to know me. Men who I had no interest in at all and I felt bad about it. I began to really feel bad about it and realized I needed to have what I thought would be stability (marriage) into my life. I have never been the type to play with anyone's feelings. I have always been strong enough to take a stance if someone wants to know where they stand with me I am the one to ask. I have had men make the mistake of asking someone they think I am close to. And I'll be nice and end that point right there.
When I was married for many years until my ex suffered an injury I only had to pay the phone bill. My income was substantial enough to pay everything. What I brought to the table at that time is I had a home, a car, a paycheck, nice clothes, nice shoes, most any and everything I wanted. I traveled to Atlantic City most every other weekend. I did volunteer work. My life was full. After divorce things went down hill as far as what I brought to the table. What I had brought to the table I feel had been mutilated. All my dreams, hopes, and aspirations I put into a person I thought I could trust and hope to build with instead of being torn down. When he walked away with a huge settlement and didn't give me a dime I was crushed. He could have at least paid my way out of all the debt I had before him. Because I didn't bring any personal debt to the table. My mortgage payment was so low I was able to pay both my mortgages by adding a $100 a month to the rental income I received.
The next chapter in my 40's after divorce I found there are men who prey on recently divorced women. It taught me to hold back on what I had left to bring to the table because the dating scene was totally different. Everything you put on the table men will eat it up and leave you broke, down trodden, and homeless if you let them. At first they start out as good as gold. Then gradually things go south. Wait for it long enough and they do too they are busy plotting for the next victim when they see an exit with you. And trust and believe a man will even create his own exit.
What I bring to the table is a lot of bitterness for the rough years I had when it didn't have to be that way. The bitterness of having helped men I cared about reach a higher level for them to downgrade me. I bring the unknown in that I was hurt when I felt the man I waited 32 years to marry betrayed me. I bring failed situationships that I walked away from not keeping count but looking for things to count which to me is more important than any reputation. I want my reputation to be one of someone who cares enough about herself not to tolerate mediocre treatment. Yes I will high step myself my way out of a failed relationship. You can't change a person and you can't make someone want you. Men treat women too much as being disposable nowadays. I don't want to be porcelain either something a man keeps up on the shelf like fine china and only places it on his table on special occasions.
My relationships have never been about the sex. In fact even with having three children I know the exact date they were conceived because in my earlier years with my first sweetheart he got plenty elsewhere. To me it is just not logical to have to compete for someone's affection. Affection to me is something deep. If you really love someone you're not attracted to anyone else especially repeatedly. I strongly feel you can't make a man love you.
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